The Oxford Dictionary defines Self Actualisation (SA) as 'the realisation or fulfilment of one's talents and potentialities, especially considered as a drive or need in everyone.'
Maslow, studied this in detail and I am sure, many have heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, (personally from many a training session) SA being the pinnacle of an amazing life. If you have not, he uses the image of a pyramid to explain the levels in life to achieve, to reach SA.
To me, it seemed an unlikely aspiration, only achieved by completing all the other stages of the hierarchy first. The effort seemed as daunting as being told to walk 10,000 steps a day or eat five pieces of fruit—tasks so overwhelming that we can so often hesitate to even begin.
So lets imagine that we did reach this ultimate destination. What would it even look like? Well, Maslow listed 12 characteristics shown below:
1) Self-actualised people embrace the unknown and the ambiguous.
2) They accept themselves, together with all their flaws.
3) They prioritize and enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
4) While they are inherently unconventional, they do not seek to shock or disturb.
5) They are motivated by growth, not by the satisfaction of needs.
6) Self-actualised people have purpose.
7) They are not troubled by the small things.
8) Self-actualised people are grateful.
9) They share deep relationships with a few, but also feel identification and affection towards the entire human race.
10) Self-actualised people are humble.
11) Self-actualised people resist enculturation.
12) Despite all this, self-actualised people are not perfect.
So, how on earth do we achieve these 12 characteristics?
I believe, the first step is defining what we truly desire. If we have no idea, a good starting point, is to consider what makes us come alive? The answer to this, is fundamental in knowing, what SA would feel like. Many have had such a low ceiling of expectation, they have not been aware of their potential, or even considered this question.
The second step, is the belief in the possibility of achieving these dreams, even when current circumstances appear so contrary. This, for some can be a simple task, but for others, can require a lot of work, involving exploring beliefs and motivations. It can feel scary, confronting feelings about ourselves, past disappointments, failures and societal expectations. Even just the thought of this effort can create a barrier, similar to the reluctance to exercise despite knowing the benefits. .
Despite these challenges, stepping into the unknown can reap huge benefits. The classic moving out of our 'comfort zones', we do all the time, without recognising it - starting a new job, getting a new car, going on a first date, or second for that matter, wearing a new item of clothing..... Once we have stepped out into the unknown, the feeling afterwards can be so liberating and fulfilling.
And as we know, there is a reason its called a comfort zone, as it is so cosy and comfortable. Annoyingly, this feeling can lead us into a false sense of security. We deceive ourselves into remaining static, causing inertia and the acceptance of the life we have, not the one, we really want. We wait to 'feel' like moving. Mel Robbins often talks about 'not waiting to feel like doing something before doing it,' just getting on with it. Similar to Susan Jeffers in her book 'Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway.'
Conversely, what if we do not want to achieve Self Actualisation? Does it even matter? For some yes, others not so much. The pursuit of wanting to feel alive, will be the drive for those who do. The rest are likely to always have a sense, that something is missing in their lives.
As we get older, especially those of us in our midlife, breaking free from familiar patterns can feel daunting. Nonetheless, this phase offers a golden opportunity to design the life we've always desired. To consider what makes us come alive and pursue this desire, can be lifechanging and rewarding.
If you would like to discuss this any further or would like to start on this journey, but do not know where to start, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Thanks for reading.
JennyB
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