Isn't it said that life begins at 40? Yet so many reach this significant age feeling quite lost and despondent. So how can we make sense of this?
Defining a midlife crisis has historically been linked to being someone who got to an age in life, when they started to fear their mortality. To show they were still young, people have bought a sports car, had a tattoo, dyed their hair colour or done something out of character.
Today, we not only see these behaviours, we also recognise this is a significant period of self reflection. We take stock of what we have done, where we are now and what our future looks like. This bring about a transition of our identity and self confidence.
It can be a confusing and quite difficult time, yet how many times have we heard the phrase - life begins at 40?! It seems such a contradictory term, when we hear the difficulties many face. Is that the point? That we go through such a transition that life really does begin at 40? We dont want to waste any future time in doing the things that for so long have held us back?
Elliott Jaques, a Canadian psychoanalyst, was the first to coin the phrase midlife crisis in the 1960's, referring to transition of identity and self-confidence that often occurs around this age. He noted at this time, individuals may have a variety of feelings ranging from intense depression, remorse, high levels of anxiety, the desire to achieve youthfulness, make drastic changes to their current lifestyle or feel the wish to change past decisions and events.
But is it really a crisis? Or is it a natural part of life, a moment of pause before the next big adventure? Maybe it depends on our individual circumstances. Do we have the partner we've always dreamed of, the fulfilling job, the perfect work-life balance, the health we thought? The answer to these questions could shape our perspective.
I remember thinking as a child that I would be married with children at the age of 40 and it wasn't the case. It then caused me to revaluate so many aspects of my life. If I was married with kids and had reached this social norm goal, would I have felt life really was beginning? Or would I have still felt a sense of unease?
Interestingly, the goals and dreams we had when we were younger
a) aren't always what we really want and
b) change as we get older. But how often do we revisit our childhood dreams during our lives?
So how do we reconcile this time within ourselves?
A sudden realisation of our mortality may lead us to create bucket lists and make rash decisions as we contemplate what has held us back from pursuing the passions we feel drawn to.
For women, midlife often coincides with menopause, adding another layer of complexity to the mix, unpicking the nuances of hormonal and mid life feelings and behaviours . How do we distinguish between the natural hormonal changes and the questions about identity and fulfilment?
In this period of uncertainty, one thing is clear: midlife is a journey, not a destination. It's a chance to rediscover ourselves, to embrace change, and to grow. Maybe it's not a crisis after all. Perhaps it's a beautiful, albeit challenging, opportunity for self-discovery.
So, as we reach this stage of our lives whether we are in the midst of what feels like a crisis or simply a period of reflection, we are most certainly not alone. As we embrace the changes, explore our passions, and remember that life – in all its beautiful, messy craziness is an ongoing adventure.
So, where are you right now? Are you feeling excited about what your life has been like so far and where you see it going, or are you feeling anxious, disappointed and want to make changes? If you are feeling in the latter category, consider contacting JennyB who will be able to guide you through this transition period of discovery and together create a tailored plan to achieve the future you desire.
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The irony of midlife: Does life really begin at 40?
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